THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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