two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
