the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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