Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
