Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
