He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
