Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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