Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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