Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
