Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
