the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
