I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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