I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
