I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my vagina is haunted
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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