what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
