AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
