Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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