Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Did I show you my penis last night?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
