some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
