I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
