alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
barbara walters just said penis...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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