I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
