I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
