I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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