Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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