what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
