The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How does one acquire holy water?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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