I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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