I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
