I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
