I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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