Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
