I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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