3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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