you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
