no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
