let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
