New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
