I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
God, I missed his penis.
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