Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
