That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
