you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
