I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
