Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
