i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
