I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Randomize
