I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
