I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
