the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
