I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
