I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
