OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
