I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
