No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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