I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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