Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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