I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
