god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
