I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
