so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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