dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
