Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
